I woke up this morning and thought to myself ‘holy shit, I am alive’. I stood on my feet and walked to the bathroom and thought to myself ‘holy shit I can walk’. I looked into the mirror and thought to myself ‘holy shit, I can see’. I turned on the tap and thought to myself ‘holy shit I own a tap’. I drank the water that ran out and thought to myself ‘ holy shit, I can drink water’. I say this all through a smile bigger than its physical parameters.
I have had my share of rude awakenings, and enough realizations that life could be so much worse. I have seen some real shit in my life. I have experienced some scary shit too. Some of that shit no one knows about. I have had more than a handful of near-death experiences, and some mind blowing revelations. I have witnessed miracles. This world is amazing and I am so glad to be a part of it.
We need to find our reason to be thankful. I have found mine, or rather the root of all my gratitude: I AM FUCKING ALIVE! I could have been taken in so many ways by now. In fact, today might be my last day here. Life has taught me that anything can happen at any time and without warning.
After every tragedy in my life, I have walked away alive so far.
When I glanced back at my ’76 Volvo in the ditch many years ago, which looked more like a banana than a station wagon after being wheels up a couple of times and slamming into the sharp shoulder at a speed that station wagons shouldn’t be going while upside down. After exiting the crumpled pile of metal sprinkled with seven window’s worth of safety glass ‘diamonds’, I glanced in the car and was instantly thankful that the steel rims that had made their way from the back of the car and into the dashboard did not meet my head along their journey. I was most thankful at this point that I have always been adamant about wearing my seatbelt and instantly attributed my ability to kick open the door and step out of my crushed dreams to that fact. Thanks Mom and Dad for teaching me the importance of that one. Thank you for giving me life, and saving it more than once or twice.
In my experiences, I have met many amazing people who have inspired me. Whilst walking down town Vancouver alone one morning, there was a street person walking towards me. He was in rough physical shape and I could tell that he had little, if anything, to his name. He caught my eye and said with such heart through a toothless grin ‘beautiful day, isn’t it?’ He was obviously appreciative to have such a nice day to enjoy and it struck me straight in the heart. Such an honest and genuine smile and happiness over something that everyone in the city was experiencing. As the disgruntled masses in their SUVs bustled past us on their way to the rat race angry about gas prices, property taxes or bad hair days, I smiled and agreed. Richer with the gift he had given me. I am grateful to have had that experience.
The last thought in my head as I draw my final breath will be a thankfulness that I have lead such an amazing life and that I am thankful that I was able to be thankful.
In the mean time I will appreciate every day that I wake up. I will appreciate every step I take. Every sip of water will feel my gratitude.
Thank you for reading this.
I love you all. I really do.
Cat
‘If ever I say a discouraging word, slash my face with a rusty rake, it will be something that I deserve. It’s not like I live on the street. It’s not like I live in a war zone. It’s not like I can’t afford to eat. It’s not like don’t have a home. ‘ – Rusty Rake, SNFU
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